My mother keeps candles lit around the house. Walking through the front door, it’s reasonable to question whether the electricity is about to go out or if she’s planning on hosting a vigil. Additionally, the candles tend to create conflicting emotions. When I’m in the living room I feel the urge to eat vanilla cupcakes, but entering the kitchen reminds me of Christmas and pine cones, and then walking to my old room makes me feel as though I just did laundry with that clean linen fragrance lingering in the air (that one has to be strategically placed, right?).

However, the reason she does this is to mask the smell of the constant Bengali spices that permeate the house. My mother, though from the Philippines, is an excellent cook and learned countless traditional Bangladeshi dishes for my father. It is because of her cooking that I discovered that one of my love languages is serving. Her affection for her family and friends can be seen by the love and care that goes into each dish that she places in front of them. It is because of her cooking that as a child I would nibble on small red chillies and developed an eclectic palate for spices and dried fish and lentils. She has the ability to turn simple everyday ingredients, like boiled eggs or cabbage or potatoes, into delicious curries that are rich in flavor and spiced with perfect amounts of jeera and cardamom.

Watching my mother cook, it’s easy to see how it comes to her as second nature. When I was moving and asked her to teach me a few recipes, I received no quantitative measures, but watched as her skillful hands and eyes would pour salt directly into her palm and sprinkle it over her simmering sauces. I saw the years of perfecting each recipe with every movement.

When I cook Bengali food at home, I never light a candle. The fragrances that are left on my clothes and in my hair and throughout the kitchen remind me of those moments sitting on the kitchen stool watching my graceful mother and her skilled hands, not realizing that those were the moments I was falling in love with cooking.